The Lingering Impact of Divorce
That question is asked everyday by thousands of people. So, let’s begin with the realization that you are not alone. In fact, almost everybody who gets divorced has that feeling at one time or another. It doesn’t matter whether the divorce was your idea or your partner’s idea. Anybody, except for a true psychopath, has a moment when their divorce haunts them. (And no matter how hard you want to believe it, your ex is most likely not a “true psychopath.”)
Your Feelings Are Understandable
All of that doesn’t make the question any less relevant. You are suffering. That is perfectly understandable, to a degree. It is natural to grieve the end of your marriage. It is no less natural to grieve the end of a long-term relationship without marriage. Why does it seem so more devastating to be divorced?
A lot of it has to do with societal attitudes. Although 40-50% of all marriages in the United Sates end in divorce there still seems to be a sense of shame that goes with it. That seems odd to me when people go to Casinos where the odds are really stacked against them and lose money all the time. Yet, we see commercials on the T.V. suggesting they are having a great time.
People Are Judgmental
The truth is that people are just judgmental at their core. And once you recognize that fact their judgment will mean a lot less to you. Divorced people have a choice. They can let the divorce define them, or they can let it go and move on.
The emotional hurt of a lost love will linger for a while. But there is no need to let the fact you are now a “divorced person” impair your progress in life. That is a fact you have to accept and move on. It is not a scarlet letter you must wear. I tell anybody who is interested that I have been divorced 5 times. I am not proud of it. I let my first divorce own me. I lived in its shadow for many years.
Happiness Can Still Be Yours
Now I am happily married and have been for years. That didn’t happen until I learned how to let go of my first divorce. The rest then slipped into proper focus. In fact, I will not work with someone as a coach or speaker unless they know my history. Because if they judge me I know they are too small-mined to be helped by me.
Please feel free to reach out to me. Leave a comment here or send me an email. If you are letting your divorced “status” bother you, I know how you feel. I can help you.