Don’t Be So Desperate

Dating can be so fear-filled. Since I am always looking for new material for my speaking engagements I like to do research on the Internet on various subjects. This morning, while I was working, I heard a show on the television in the other room. It was about doing makeovers for online profiles. My wife was engaged in a rare (for her) lie-on-the-couch-day-to-watch-TV.

These makeover programs are very popular. They involve style and fashion. And they almost always are doing a makeover for someone who is entrenched in a certain way of dressing or behaving. There was show one right after the other.

I couldn’t help but hear what was being said. It became a form of research for me. Each of the women who were featured were simply looking for someone to love them. But each of them was hiding behind an online profile that wasn’t really who they were, or wanted to be. They all wanted to find the right man to date. But they were all afraid to expose the real person they were.

Back to my premise about fear and dating. This actually is a stage of fear before dating. It is fear in the process of finding a date. I sometimes talk about this at a speaking engagement. Dating is comprised of more than just the date. There is all of the insecurity that precedes the actual moment.

There is a lack of confidence that people have about themselves that keeps them from finding the right person. I know because I did this for a great portion of my life. I frequently chose people who were not right for me. I did it because I had low self-esteem. I lacked confidence in myself. I did not think that I was good enough. Even after I got into a relationship I would start with the self-doubt. It would eventually lead to the end of what could have been a good relationship.

Having self-confidence can be a battle. Things you hear as a child can spill over into your adult life without you even knowing it. Your confidence can be ruined by something someone said to you in jest, that you took to heart. It is easy to lose your confidence and can be hard to get it back. Words are powerful.

It is hard to find somebody to love you if you do not love yourself first. That is the lesson I would try to get across to the women on these shows. Dating, or finding someone to date, will become much easier when you believe in yourself.

I work with companies and associations that want to make their employees more confident and better decision makers. But the same principles can apply to relationships. If you are confident in yourself and your own worth, you will make better dating decisions. Those better decisions will lead to better dates. Those better dates will eventually lead to finding the right person, or as my wife refers to it, “The One.”

The solution is simple but the work can be hard. If you would be open to a conversation about how you can build your confidence and learn to live beyond fear, please contact me. I will give you up to an hour of my time for free, just because I think it is important. There is no obligation. So if it is free, and it will help you expand your comfort zone, what is it that’s stopping you from contacting me? Lack of confidence. Let’s help you get over that.